Gina's Rant

Oh thank god!!!!

So this insane person will be moving out of our precious apartment finally plus taking all his goddam shit with him. I so love it that I can rant on here, oh my friggin' GOD! Anyway, his attitude and selfishness are just too much to bear anymore and it's hilarious how he's forced us all away into our rooms thanks to his mood swings and MANIC behavior. He is a TOTAL WEIRD-O. I feel bad for the next person who has to live with him much less shag him (ew that thought utterly disgusts me because once like eons I go I did but I was totally wasted...ugh...that shit is nasty!)...Anyway, he has so much CRAP and he stinks up the entire apartment with his spray-painting and lack of personal hygiene. EWWWWW!!!

Bad roommate choice yes most definitely. We need to be careful who we choose next because I sure as hell do not want to live with another CRAZY person. It was just too much, it wasn't only the selfishness but it was the incessant bitching about everything, I've lived with girls who've complained less. Anyway, I can't believe we subjected ourselves to that...I feel bad for us all. There was this one time I heard he even through a tantrum and threw a plate on the floor. Completely bad news bears, who the hell wants to live with that mess and think it's normal?! Maybe that's why he got kicked out of his last place. Yuck!

Anyway, I am totally relieved, soon it will all be over and we only have a shit ton of shitty ass records to worry about. It seems there is no end to all the crap these idiots collect. I know I sometimes collect stuff but at some point I give it away because I do recognize that possessions are fleeting. I really don't need a library number of books or anything. Or elk antlers? For the sake of what's weird, whatever!

I imagine whoever decides to read this is glad that i only blog once a day since I started, well there were those few days but the novelty wore off quickly. Another thank god I suppose.

Awful

That's one word how to describe how I'm feeling today. So freakin' awful. Next time I'll stay @ home when I feel this shitty. I was sort of just sitting around here this morning answering phones and slowly getting pissed off at everybody, thinking about work, friends, life and how unhappy I am right now at certain people for several different reasons. But actually it's more like I'm pissed off because I didn't express my disappointment to them or let them know what it was that they did that bothered me. I think I have unusually high expectations of people, when they don't act how I want them to act then I sort of retread back into this silence of utter disappointment with them. I don't hold grudges, I sort of move on but I do keep in mind what they've done for future reference and to sort of step around a similar circumstance if it comes out along the way of our friendship (or lack thereof). I feel that some people are not completely honest with me because they're ashamed of being unconscientious and sort of know that they have wronged me in some way. I don't like to bring these sorts of things up obviously, it makes for uncomfortable discussion, but it's impossibly difficult for me to talk about my feelings, especially if the other person is clueless about how they've hurt me or are insincere (and that is probably the worst). Not that I'm blameless either; if you don't speak up, you don't get your needs met. It's ironic I've been telling my mentee all this time that she needs to do this, but I myself struggle with doing this on a consistent basis. Last night I was talking to someone about this job, and I told her that the job is boring and tedious so sometimes I read a book (which is probably more beneficial to my intellect then reading a gossip blog) while I'm sitting here with nothing to do (after all the tasks have been done), and she sort of insinuated that it was not good for me to do that and that I should get everything done so it looks like I've done good work. I think I've told her plenty of times that this is not a permanent thing, nor do I want it to be permanent. That's probably my nightmare right now, being stuck here indefinitely. My other nightmare is answering the phones while being sick as a dog, which I am right now. In the long run, it doesn't matter if I surf the web, read a book, or twiddle my fingers while I sit here all alone with no one around but this computer and the occasional person walking by, no one is going to notice unless I'm streaming videos and slowing down the internet connection for the org, then there would be a definite issue. The only thing that gets noticed is if I eat something at the desk and leave crumbs. Big whoop.

Another issue I'm having is all this self-help crap I've signed up for, today I'm not too into it. I've decided to make a personal investment in order to get over being a control freak, accomodating, open-minded, neurotic freak and see if I can bring the focus back on my life, instead of focusing on everyone else's problems (not that I can fix their lives or anything, it's just nice to contemplate sometimes). It is working somewhat, although people seem to love sharing their opinions on shit they know nothing about especially pertaining to me. I'm especially cautious of giving anyone advice or information these days because what if it doesn't work for them? I'm terrified that they might come back and say, you steered me in the wrong directions, it's all your fault, blah blah blah. That shit is awful. And it is the word of the day.

feeling illin'

I feel like death. Beejesuz!

Actually, I'll be okay, I'm just going to get something to eat and relax and try not to fall asleep where I'm sitting. And wait for this insane part of the city to die down. I'm so glad I don't live in NYC. When I got sick there at least I would keep on working because the energy of the place would make you feel okay even if you were sick. It's weird how it does that to you, I remember walking around in the dead of winter in nyc feeling like hell but still having the energy to shop or eat somewhere. It's really quite interesting and insane at the same time. At least it's not THAT cold here. But still, just trying to cross the street while you're riding your bike and trying to get by a gazallion people crossing to the other side completely sucks. Makes you not want to ride a bike anywhere. But then I have to take the bus, and I already been through that, I'm tired of being up against someone fighting to hold to the pole or whatever because those handle things are too high for me to reach. So anti-short people!! I must write a letter someday about that shit someday. Maybe I should suck down ten Emergen-Cs and see if I feel better after peeing it out for the next few hours. That sometimes works. I swear by it. Modern medicine be damned! I've aleady gone over my complete distrust of modern medicine. I think the reason for people's ailments can be wittled down to one glaring culprit: STRESS. Everyone I know who's had eating issues, stomach problems, health problems, headaches, heart attacks, control issues: it's basically because of stress. I read somewhere that stress is one of the big killers. So if you learn to RELAX and take care of yourself and give yourself an effin' break, you won't die as quickly plus your hair won't turn grey. Mine hasn't, I still look like I'm 24 (or maybe a little older, hell!), and I've had a lot of stress in my life, which has turned into some stomach issues and allergies, but all those ailments are easily remedied by yoga, exercise, acupuncture and, most of all, healthy eating. I think maybe I'll grab a big bowl of Japanese soup and some sushi to help nourish my body tonight. Because dammit if it didn't need some TLC!   

im starting to feel sick...

Someone's made me sick...and yes I'm looking at you. Fortunately I don't need to do much but sit here and answer the phone. And probably make everyone else sick at work, that's like my favorite thing to do. They are so lucky that they don't pay me for sick time...if I get sick I don't get paid anything anyway. Future employers be warned! I'm actually not as sick as I used to be, since I started doing yoga my immune system has gotten loads better, plus with the acupuncture (which has helped my allergies), I think I could recover from a cold in two days. The sinus infection thing took a little longer to recover from, but I think I was well in like 4-5 days without any major antibiotics...just over the counter sinus meds. That's what they give you at the doc's anyway...aside from the antibiotics that could possibly give you a yeast infection (well not to men for the most part). Antibiotics work but they also can make you sicker. I remember when I had an ulcer a couple of years ago thanks to our little friend h.pylori, I had to take these huge antibiotic pills than made me feel like I was dying. Imagine me working with foster youth all day and having to feel like hell just because of that little bacteria in my stomach, so I quit that bitch so fast and decided to go to acupuncture instead (I finally listened to them and quit eating cheese, so now I can actually breathe through my nose and smell stuff). Once I get health insurance I may have to go down that route again 'cause the little buggers are reactivating and I'm having trouble digesting most of the food that I eat these days. Might also be because if I eat utter crap food then I'll most definitely get sick to my stomach. I felt it hardcore this past week with Thanksgiving. I'm not really big on eating till you're lethargic holidays anymore. I can't really eat a whole lot anymore, I get full really fast on like 10-15 bites of food. And boy do I love to eat...what a shame! Like this piece of cake I was just eating, it was too sweet or whatever...I know, it's friggin' cake, it's supposed to be sweet! If they made a sour cake I would like that so much better though. Mmmmm, sour cake. So I'm slowly getting sick, so I need to take care of myself and go to yoga and then go to bed early after watching the last episode of the second season of "The Wire" (yeah I know I bored you to death talking about it yesterday). Really good episode last night though, Omar is the shit! Sometimes I don't know what's going on because they talk in code so much.  I might even take a Benadryl if the sniffles are too much for me. I had a sneezing fit last night for no apparent reason, but it went away in like 10 minutes. Now I know why, I might get sicker by the end of the day. But if I maintain an air of wellness, I'm sure I'll make it through. I feel bad for the girl that gives me breaks, she might get sick too. But at least she gets paid sick time. I don't. So maybe I'll go to work even though I'm sick. I know it doesn't sound like fun, but this is my bread and butter until I get a real job. Which might happen soon or whatever, some place is checking my references, hopefully for the position I want and not a case management position (ugh I always get stuck in those, it's like purgatory for the over-skilled). Anyway, I'm gonna get off this thing and read something entertaining until lunch time.

One more thing - I was reading this article about the Duggars family, they're that crazy family of nearly 18 (going on 19) kids! WTH is up with those people!? That woman's poor vagina and uterus are a misshapen mass of stretched out skin, totally ravaged from the insanity of childbirth, she probably hasn't had a break in years. Every year she has a child or some insane shit like that. So anyway, they're trying to go to this amusement park in Arkansas and get there by 9am...yeah, as if! Since there are so many kids they take nearly 4-5 hours to get out of the house, but they at least manage to get there in one piece, with the van smelling like cat shit (don't ask) and deoderizer and child vomit. UGH, they're like the poster child family for not having more than 2 kids. They're all like, these are God's blessings. I think God would also strongly advise Michelle D. to get her tubes tied. Poor woman is a baby-making machine, much like the women in Margaret Atwood's book "The Handmaid's Tale" (I totally recommend it, very very haunting!). I think I'll have to find Michelle's address and mail her the book, she must REBEL! I gotta go, my head is starting to hurt!

blarghhhhh!

So the phone has nearly stopped ringing except now. Ok, it's not ringing anymore but as soon as I acknowledge it, the insanity will begin anew. So I was feeling all high and mighty with my big words when I realized that I don't even have a book published. What is wrong with me that I have not blinded anyone with my illuminating intellect? Perhaps I should pump more air into this big ego of mine and see if it'll float to the ceiling...oh, that sounds like an acid trip if I've ever heard one. So what's up with people being all judgemental about drugs or using drugs anyway? I'm a total advocate of recreational use of drugs. Just not every day or all the time, because then it would be a habit or a vice, like smoking or drinking. Although I don't drink every day either, because I've seen how that other half lives (not so hot, as I've surmised). I'm having a huge problem quitting smoking, I don't smoke every day but it is an issue when I just want a simple glass of wine or beer and not have to go outside and indulge in something that makes your mouth taste like ass (i've never tasted ass either, but I almost wonder if it really tastes like cigarettes...any bets?) But still (no pun intended), it's like licking an astray and how sexy is that shit? Not very. Maybe people smoke just because they get bored of drinking and want to do something with their hands. If that's the case, why not stop drinking and go write or draw something? Ironically, the most alcoholic of cats I know fall into both the artistic and literary categories. So creating goes hand in hand with drinking...right? Soon technology will be so advanced that we can merely think and we're indulging in our favorite vices with all of the effects but none of the consequences...smoking? just imagine that you are and you'll be inhaling something and be cool, but with none of the bad breathe, smoker's cough or old facial  dried out skin. Imagine yourself drinking instead, with all the comforts of imbibing the best alcohol money can buy and feeling a little buzzed, with none of the after effects like hangovers or dehydration and constant trips to the toilet. Or puking your guts out after mixing three different types of drink (ugh, I hate it when that happens, you can only stick to one thing and you can't even have some variety in drink, which should be the goddam spice of life).  Ah, yes....this will happen! Very soon, very soon!